He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
