Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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