You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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