Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
