Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
