from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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