hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
