I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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