I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
