saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
