and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
