He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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