I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
