Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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