But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
