i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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