She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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