I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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