how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
