Will you blow on my dice?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
