Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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