I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
