When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
