If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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