only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
