I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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