when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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