Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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