Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
