Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
