Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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