Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
