I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
