I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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