Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
