brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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