she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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