I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's always time for handjobs
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
