Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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