Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We're too hungover to prance.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
