HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
