Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
