My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
