ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
