I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
