i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
