You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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