Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
