So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
