Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
