I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
barbara walters just said penis...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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