he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
