If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
