I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
