Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
